Sunday, November 13, 2011

Chapter 1.8 ~ Surprises

They said I was lucky.

I hadn't gotten any STI's, or anything else that could impact my health.

They said Id gotten lucky with my outcome.  Many victims like myself wish they could have come out with just ..

A baby. I was pregnant. Three months so. And no one but me had any idea of it. Well, me and the doctors of course.

I closed my eyes to stop the tears as I silenced my ringing phone once again. He hadn't stopped. I thought keeping Damien in the dark would be easier, but it's not. In no way is it easier.

" U never answer me anymore. Im sorry if I hurt you. Please, ILU, and I miss you. Pick up bbg."

I get that one at least twice a day. It tears me apart to think that he did this. That it was his fault I hadn't spoken to him in three months. His fault I wanted to just find a hole and die in it. None of this was my fault. He had told me not to go out, but I did. All my fault..

Then I suddenly heard a knock at the door. It shocked me, to say the least, as I wasn't used to guests, especially these days. I walked over, and slid the latch, opening the door.

Oh God. I needed more time to plan for this.. I.. I can't its my fault.. I eum.

"Come in."

I felt my heart drop as he took a seat on the floor, and then motioned for me to take my seat in front of him.

"Please, Lexi, tell me what's wrong, I don't know how I hurt yoou so badly, but I'm so so sorry"

"It wasn't you Damien, I --"

" Wasn't me? Then what on Earth is it?"

"Well, I'm kinda--"

" Please, just tell me what I did, and Ill fix it for yo--"



He stood up, and set himself before me. I prepared for the worst, and it came.

" Your PREGNANT Lexi?"

I nodded.

" Well I know for one thing, it can't be mine. No possible way, which only leaves--"

"Let me explain, it happe-"

"You lied."

Tears flooded from my face, as I realized that this was what he thought of me. Not that I had been attacked, but that I'd lied to him, betrayed his trust.

"You told me he never touched you. That you never.. and you lied to me."

"What? No, Damien, no! It wasnt him, its not his!"

His face crumpled with pain.

"Then you were cheating on me? After all we went through?"

"No! Damien listen! That day when you were -"

"I don't want to know anything else. Either way, you betrayed me. I went through alot for you. I thought we could be forever, Alexis."

"We can be..Damien please, hear me out!"

He took my hand, and brought me close. I sobbed into his shoulder, as he stroked my hair, and rubbed my lower back. Everything we had was gone, and we both knew it. It all went wrong.. so so wrong. A Misunderstanding.

He kissed my lips gently, and then rested his forehead on mine. My tears stained his shirt, and my sobs were the only noise in the room. He took one last breath, taking one last glance, and he drew away from me.

" I love you Alexis Carmody. With my whole soul. I only wish you felt the same"

I wanted to scream at him, 'I DO FEEL THE SAME, I DO LOVE YOU! THIS ISN'T THE END!' but my lips wouldn't move to make the noises, and I watched on silently as he walked through the door into the now dark night.

With him, he took my heart, and my soul.


The months passed slowly, and I grew accustomed to sleeping alone again.

My days were quiet ones, often, my mouth wouldn't form a single word. It was lonely, but that was what I deserved.

I never once took off his ring. I was waiting, in vain, for him to come back and put the wedding back on. But it had already been 4 months, and I knew in myself that it would never happen.

I spent my days reading up on pregnancy, and child care. It scared me, to no end, to think that I'd be alone with a baby, no help offered to me.

I was on strict orders to keep active, and not to let myself sit for to long at a time. This was easy, because the time passed faster when I had something to do.

I also kept the house in good shape...

As I grew to the size  of a house! It was hard to believe that  such a little baby could need so much room!

I'd had a pretty little nursery built by some designer  from town. I only asked for the one crib, but, the decorator insisted that two held the room together better. Money leech.

Then there were the days when I had nothing to keep me busy, and I was trapped inside the Hell that was my mind. I was constantly worried about one thing. What if I couldn't love my baby? What if I hated him, or her, with all my heart, and then they became the orphan that 29 years was me.

I joined a single parents help forum in my final month, because I knew I'd need support along the way. I'd blocked everyone out of my life , other then Iliana, and she already had her hands full with her own baby.. even though that bay was growing before her very eyes.

I woke in the middle of the night to a pain in my lower abdomen. It took another sharp pain for me to realize that this was it: Labor had Begun.

I screamed out loud as another contraction hit me, and I knew I had to get some help, and fast. I'd planned on more thinking time, which in hindsight   is probably something I should stop banking on.

I waddled into the tall,white building with every fiber of my body wishing that the fear and dread I felt could be replaced with excitement and happiness for this miraculous event.

I gave birth in the early hours of the next morning, to not one, but two babies. I was drained at the end of it, and surprised at twins, to say the least. But once they were laid in my arms all the fear I had flooded away, and all I could feel was love for my babies, my family.

Dawn Carmody, born exactly 7 minutes before her brother.

Dusk Carmody, the little hidden boy, the surprise child.

I suppose I did need the extra crib after all.


  1. why didn't she tell him what happened???? he would have understood, it wasn't her fault she was attacked!

  2. Ah, it broke my heart to write it, truly.