Things change. Seasons pass, days fade into weeks, then months and years. Then you blink, and you're all grown up, and there's no more playing around. You can no longer rely on everyone around you for support, you have to make decisions, and act on them, no matter what the results may be.
So that's what I did.
I remember that day like yesterday. When I close my eyes, it may as well of been, because everything it just as clear. The way I saw Dad on the floor, not breathing, one perfect hole in his black sweater seeped a dark river of blood. Then I glanced around to see Jinx, my only means of female support since Grandma died, the same way, like a porcelain doll shattered on the floor. One more scope with my eyes brought me to my Mother, gun in hand. Mother. A term I use so loosely. I hate her. I despise her. She is the reason my life went downhill before it ever really started. She is the reason Daddy is dead.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I remember bolting out of the doorway when I regained the use of my feet, straight to the phone. I dropped it twice before I was able to fumble with the buttons. Eventually I was able to get through to the police, and make my plea for help. I told them in hushed tones that my Mother had just killed two people, had a gun, and I had four younger sister upstairs. That got them going. Within ten minutes I had four cop cars in front of our house, and in a blink of an eye Mom was in handcuffs.
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
The men came a few minutes after to take Dad and Jinx away. Everyone was awake by this time, and tears and questions were the order of the day. When everyone found out it was me who called the cops, they shut me away, and I became the enemy.
Two months later, Mom was put on trial, and given the lethal injection. I am not afraid to admit that I did not attend her funeral, nor will I ever visit her grave.
And so that brings us to today.
All grown up, and living my own life. Still living at home, but not for long. Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me re-introduce to you my family, and catch you up.
I will not break the way that you did, you fell so hard.
Let's start with my best friend, Tiny Tim. Hah... well when I got him, he was tiny. Uncle Dusk got him for me after I witnessed..it. My very own thing to love, and care for. Supposedly, he saved me from trauma, but inside I still go through Hell everyday.
We spend all day together, playing games, and having fun. He's a little ah... dim, but he's the best friend a gal could have.
Jet grew up to be a real looker. She could have easily won prom queen with just the votes from guys in school, but instead she chopped off her hair, and got into sports. She lives, breaths, and dreams sports and exercise, wiggling her way into every girls team in school, plus the boys soccer team. She now attends the local University with a sports major, and every team in the city has heard of her, and wants her to play for them. All that exercise keeps her out of the house, and that suits her just fine. She doesn't like to be around me anymore, because of me, Mom died. She doesn't seem to remember that Mommy dearest was a murderess.
This is Uncle Dusk, of course. He came to live with us when Mom was taken away, because he was in the last few weeks of his divorce anyway. Turns out Aunt Cherry had been cheating on him with the rich Mr. Gracciay the whole time. We're a family of charmers apparently.
I haven't slept a full night since I saw Daddy, and apparently, Dusk hasn't either since Mom died. We often spend the early mornings together talking, sometimes drinking coffee or eating cupcakes. It makes me feel safe.
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far.
Morganite completely changed. She hardly speaks anymore, only to the horses. She's turned into the perfect little Night-Owl, only leaving the house at night, to sit out at the lake with the wild ponies. There's no point trying with her these days, because she only pushes you further away.
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk..
Then there's Jade. Our dancer. All she does is dance, all day, all night. Non-stop. She dates around, and has ease in doing so, with her body perfectly curved due to constant cardio work. I'd tried to tell her that it'd be better to try and settle down, get a job, but she'll have none of it. Dance, then date, then dump, then dance, then dance, then dance. That's Jade's life, and we've all lost her to that world.
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side, so I don't get hurt
And finally, this is Mike. Who's Mike? Well, he's my fiance.
Yep, I did well. We met at a 'meeting', years ago. These 'meetings' were where I was sent after Mom was killed to ensure I didn't go crazy like her. His Dad had just been killed at war, and so that was why he was there. We turned to each other for comfort in dark times, and cried with each other when needed. It wasn't until we graduated that it turned out to be romantic, the relationship between us. His body was killer, and his personality was so caring. Knowing him was like a constant hug, and that was just what I needed. He trained for the army, and quickly graduated into the ranks due to some connections his Dad had had. The day he completed his training was the best day of my life.
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life.
We walked to the park where we had spent so many of our teenage days, and stopped at the tiny playground. The air was cold, and the leaves shades of orange and red, falling like snow from the sky.
I sat at the swing, and Mike swooped in and kissed me gently. His hand was soft on my chin, thumb brushing my cheek.
Because of you I try my hardest to forget everything
I sat there for who knows how long feeling the softness of his lips on mine, the whiskers on his face scratching mine in rough patterns. He suddenly shifted his weight and I moved to try and accommodate the extra weight put on the swing, only to fall off completely, my head falling into a pile of dead leaves.
Mike started laughing, then picked me up. We walked over to the slide, and sat there where there was slightly more support for us.
We chatted away, about his future in the ranks, and what I was going to do here at home with all my sisters without him. After I said that, he got real quiet, and thoughtful.
Suddenly he swung up from his seat on the step, and pinned me against the rail. My breath faltered, as it always did when he was this close. My stomach fluttered, and I slid my hand on his shoulder.
He brought his face closer to mine, so I could feel his hot breath on my face. His eyes bore into my soul, and he didn't move a muscle. After a minute he moved his mouth to my ear, and spoke quietly, lips brushing my skin.
"Marry me, Am."
I drew away, looking in his eyes for any hint of laughter.
"Then you don't have to stay in that house with all your sisters. you can live in a house with me, and be my wife. I can fight for you in the war, and we can grow old together. Marry me."
"Yes. A million times yes!"
And so I fell asleep that night in pure ecstasy, wrapped in his arms.
So I suppose that catches you up right? What? I forgot someone? Don't be a fool, of course I didn't.
Moon. The only sister to support my choice of marriage, the only sister to even acknowledge that it was a life changing event for me. Possibly the only sister willing to attend my wedding.
She was the only other person to see my Mother in the light that I did. A cold blooded murderer. She claimed to have had a feeling about what went down that night, but she was only just toddling, so how could she remember something like that?
Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
She actually hears me when I talk, a rarity in this house. She has strong opinions on life, and is starting university with a major in philosophy. It suited her well.
"Am I making the right choice? I can't rush into anything. But I have known him for years, and I'm 25. I can't wait forever."
She poked the fire mindlessly, and got a blank look on her face.
"Is any choice a right one? Could you not pick either path and wish for the other? Is there any way to be truly happy?"
"Thanks. That helped, Dr.Carmody. Remember to bill me to my personal account." I teased.
She laughed lightly, and shook her head. She was my sister, and I loved her dearly, as I did all my family, but from her was the only place I got it in return.
Because of youuu
Because of youuu
*Lyrics- Because of You; Kelly Clarkson*
